How To Be Your Spouse's Best Friend

Before Taylor and I ever dated, we were best friends. We hung out every day and we knew everything about each other. He is was someone I could always go and talk to. And of course I was the person he would always came to also. Conversations were easy. We both really loved learning new things about each other. And the fact that he was totally adorable and I wanted to date him was a big reason for being best friends too. Then we started dating. And life was still perfect as ever because I had my best friend right at my side. Then we were engaged and he was still my best friend. And now we are married. Taylor is still my ultimate best friend, but sometimes it isn’t easy. Here are some ways that have helped keep us close and stay best friends. 

1) Be excited about the things they get excited about. Taylor is in the fire academy right now and he comes home and tells me all about his day and all the cool things he did with fire in class. I never understand half of the vocabulary he is using and just don't get really interested so I tend to zone out. NOT OKAY! It has been my priority lately to really care and be excited for him and all the things he is doing. It has definitely helped us to be best friends. And then because I listen and get excited for him he gets excited and listens to what has happened during my day or what I think was really cool. If you want someone to care, you need to care first. 

2) Make your Spouse your priority. Put them first. Don’t let your spouse be just like every other one of your friends. Make your spouse be the most important person in your life.

3) Be forgiving. It is easy to hold a grudge. But my philosophy on this is grudges don’t do you any good. Being angry and bitter will not make you feel better about the situation or yourself. At the end of the day, your grudge will still be there. So get over it and let it go. Everyone has a bad day and sometimes we say awful things to each other that we don’t mean. I by no means am perfect at all. If Taylor wasn’t constantly forgiving me I would definitely be in trouble and we would not be the best friends that we are today. If you want a friendship that lasts, a marriage that endures, you must forgive both big and small.

4) Be grateful and reward them. One of my favorite little ‘tricks’ is to always make a big deal about the things Taylor is doing that I really appreciate instead of nagging him about doing them. When he sees that I am actually grateful he tends to do them more instead of when I am trying to force him into doing something he doesn’t want to do. It’s almost like training a dog, if you want them to do something you need to reward them. We all like to be rewarded whether we realize it or not. And this keeps both of you happy so it is a win-win for everyone!

5) And lastly, have fun together. Sometimes we get stuck in the routine of household chores, cooking food, and just working in general. This is all good and grand, but you need to have fun together too. This will keep your marriage interesting instead of being in the same old habits and going through the same motions every day. Do something you both enjoy whether you are on a sports team together, workout together, dance together or even going to the nickel arcade together. The sky is the limit. 

Real Life or a Fairy Tale? False Expectations in Your Marriage

I have been watching a lot of chick-flicks lately and need to vent about women in this world... I used to really love these romantic movies before I was married, but now I look at them a little differently. They give false hope and false expectations for any girl in a relationship or marriage. And then at the airport yesterday I overheard a newlywed who had only been married for a couple months talking to her friend. She was very upset because her and her husband had gotten in a fight the other day and her spouse wasn't sure what he had done wrong, or what she wanted him to do. She had this whole idea that he should just be able to read her mind and figure out how to make it better. Let me just tell you now, that is not how it works. We need to talk through things and work them out. You can't just expect your spouse to know exactly why you are upset or just assume they know, because most of the time they really have no idea. When we watch movies we get these unrealistic notions and ideas of how love is. In a movie the couple always takes romantic trips that would cost us a fortune, their house is always spotless even though you never see them clean, and they feast on gourmet meals every night. This is not realistic.

So let's take Titanic for a minute. They fall madly in love with each other within 3 days, yes let me say it again, 3 days. And after these 3 days they feel a love so deep for the other that they would freeze in the ocean just to die by their side... Not likely. 

Or how about A Walk To Remember.

A popular jerk falls in love with a quiet Preachers daughter. He leaves his friends and changes his life for this girl. Again let's ask ourselves, is this real? 

Both of these movies portray love differently than I do. Just calling it as I see it. 

In movies the guy/girl always seem to have mind reading capabilities and always know what they should do and figure things out just perfectly in time. This gives us a high expectation that when things go wrong in our relationship, we want the easy way out and to have the guy figure out why we are upset. If this is how you are thinking you will be very disappointed. 

Or what about true love conquers all. In a way you could say that is somewhat true. But we also need to be constantly working at our relationship and doing whatever we can to show our love for each other. Just having love for someone is not enough to conquer every hardship that will come your way. 

Real marriages aren't 'serendipitously' perfect. We don't randomly bump into our soul mate on the street, drop our papers, look into his eyes, and have a "fall in love at first sight" moment. If we set our expectations too high and expect these cheesy movie scenes, we will always be setting ourselves up for disappointment. Men can't compete with these notions so then they won't even try. 

My point is, the media gives us these unrealistic ideas that are impossible to live up to. Sure, your husband may not have abs of steel, sing like an angel, drive a sexy car, or cook like a pro, but he loves you. He treats you well, buys you roses on Valentines Day, and maybe even puts the toilet seat down after he goes to the restroom. 

It is so important to always show how thankful you are for your husband. You should never lower your expectations on how a good, strong marriage should be, but we need to be realistic. It is okay to want to go on a fun and creative date, or even be spoiled every once in a while, but we need to make a distinction between real life and a fairy tale.

Marriage is an amazing thing. Taylor and I don't keep secrets and we always tell each other what is on our mind. We don't hold grudges or wish that our spouse acted a different way or wish that our marriage was like that of in a movie. We are realistic. We both have good days and bad days. We get in fights. But we are honest and loving and we work hard to stay strong together. Marriage isn't just a happily ever after like that of in movies. It takes hard work and time and neither of us will be perfect. Be loving. Be understanding. And most importantly be forgiving.